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Giving the gift of submission, or being a submissive, can mean many different
things, depending on who you are talking to, where, and when. In general, the
submissive exists to fulfill the wishes of the dominant in the pre-arranged
scene. For the "slave-girl," it can mean wearing only golden bracelets and
anklets as her costume while curled on the floor, acting as her master's
footstool, warming and cushioning his feet. For the masochist, it is a good
beating interspersed with the brush of a hard cock against her thigh, and a
large, warm hand crushing her breast. Those who dream of being sex-toys are
used over and over, even awakened during the night to serve her master's
needs. Sexual submission can be the thud of a lover's foot as he chases you
into the apartment and knocks you to the floor. The rip of your second-hand
clothes, bought especially for the occasion, becomes beautiful music as he
forces your legs open and mounts you. He whispers your name and you know him
to be your lover; safe in his arms, you are free to experience the heady
adrenaline rush of rape without the danger.
Sexual submission is a provocative and alluring condition. The sexual
slave lives in a constant state of sexual arousal and anticipation. In sexual
submission there resides a deep seductiveness, an empowerment of the
submissive that the uninitiated seldom see. The submissive is not powerless,
not abused, not degraded or down- trodden - that would be abuse and SM is not
abuse. Consensual sexual submission is a joyous, wonderful state. The
submissive is respected by the dominant, and vice versa, and theirs is an
exchange of rare and precious gifts. Sexual submission can fulfill a
temporary need to "honor" a person "higher" than oneself; it can be a
deconstructor of ego, and a flight into the inner realms of the self. The
power of the SM relationship is such that the properly connected dominant and
submissive partners can literally hold each other in thrall.
SM is fueled by fantasies and its goal is to turn those fantasies into an
immensely pleasurable, erotic reality. To do this, an exchange of power must
take place. SM is a delicate game about exchanging power; it is about erotic
control and sensual surrender. Power, and the surrender of it, are very, very
sexy. If SM is about command and authority for the dominant, it is about
helplessness and vulnerability for the submissive. The lack of power
experienced by the sub is as intoxicating as the heady dose of power surging
through the dom. SM is the empowerment of the dom by the sub to act out
sadomasochistic sexual fantasies to the fulfillment of both partners. It is
always respectful of the body and mind of both top and bottom, and their
boundaries and limits.
That is a lot of official-sounding and serious language for a
golden-twilight world filled with mystery and illusion, fantasy and delight.
Sensual submission can be a luxurious pretend-captivity where one can indulge
in sexual pleasure; where each playtime is an opportunity for exploration
into enhanced sexuality, communication, and deepened trust. It is romantic,
fun, and sexy. It gets your heart pounding and your endorphins pumping; it
kicks your love-motor into high gear. It is sharing long-unspoken fantasies
of sexual torment and anticipation, then making them live and breathe. SM can
hold the promise of intense intimacy and profound gratification in one's
chosen variety of sexuality. It can open your heart and free your soul, then
make your spirit soar above the earth; your only attachment to our world the
invisible cord between you and your master.
SM players know the dominant only wields the illusion of power. All of
the "power" the master has over the slave has been given to him by the slave
herself, and it can be withdrawn at any time. Being a slave is sexy, the
illusion of surrendering your "power" is sexy, but it is still only an
illusion. The bottom, in making the choice to be submissive, is the one truly
in control. To the uninitiated and uninformed, submission can imply that a
person has no power or self-esteem. I can assure you that that is not the
case. These are SM sex games we are playing, and part of the game is a
temporary exchange of power. You can't give up what you don't have - in this
case power - so the more power you have, the more you have to give up. The
more you give up, the more empowering, or liberating, the lack of it becomes.
My lack of power then makes me feel fantastically powerful, my power is an
important part of who I am and what I am. If I am able to give it, even
temporarily, to someone else, I become more powerful.
You know that this an exchange of gifts: the rare and precious gifts of
your erotic submission to him and the one of his romantic dominance of you.
By sharing your souls' darkest sexual desires you have attained a state of
heightened awareness that will enhance more than your sexual relationship.
Sharing a romantic, consensual SM experience can be transcendental; it can
take you and your master to another place together and open up a new world
for you. Exploring the sexual being inside of us with a loving partner can be
a safe way to heal and grow.
For millions of SMers, for a fantasy to be really good, there has to be
some sort of coercion and consent at play. Coercion and consent are a
powerful aphrodisiac in a submissive's fantasy mix. At first the submissive
is resistant to the will of the dominant or to the humiliation to be imposed
upon her, but then her own imagination begins to work on her. It is the
ultimate degradation that not only does she ultimately consent to the
humiliation or punishment, but she begins to like it and want it. A fantasy
of this sort can be constructed to remove guilt and therefore give the
submissive permission to enjoy her sexual slavery. Psychologists believe that
sexual submission is a means of relieving sexual guilt. For those who view
sexual desire as a moral flaw, this may hold true. For those who don't,
erotic coercion, and subsequent consent, can allow the submissive to abandon
herself to her sexual pleasure.
Coercion and consent fantasies often have ritualistic elements, a
frequent fantasy being that one has been chosen for a religious ritual. The
fantasy could be that, as the town virgin, she alone has been chosen to work
for seven years as temple prostitute or serve the goddess in her temple. Of
course, she has been chosen for this, and since it is a great honor, her
protests would not be understood. She doesn't want to go, but what can she
do? It would bring disgrace upon the family and herself if she were to refuse
or run away, so she goes. She is exhibited nude in the temple, and is utterly
humiliated. But through her haze of misery, she hears the local people
admiring her as the bride of the god or human embodiment of the goddess,
their savior. They look at her and exclaim that she is surely worthy tribute.
Each day as she is led out of her room to take her place on display, she
quakes in humiliation at what is to come. But slowly she has come to like it,
too. She has been set above the other humans by her very dehumanization by
them, and she grows to want it.
Long before this you probably realized that all sex, as in the merging of
one body and mind with another, is spiritual. You are inviting someone inside
of you in every sense of the word and that is a spiritual experience. Every
orgasm that you have, every one that he has, is a spiritual experience, and
more so when you experience them together. When you add to that the exotic
blooms of SM fantasies enacted together in love and trust, your minds and
bodies collide to become one universe, brilliant in its awareness of the
combined sexual self and the merging of spirits. Each of you will come to
terms with your sexuality in your own time. Do not rush the gift, your own
or his, or give the gift away in haste. Do not give it to someone who does
not have your understanding of it and therefore is not ready to exchange
these special gifts.
In the right hands, the SM exchange of gifts is a visible manifestation
of the love and trust you have built up in your relationship. Your honesty in
communicating and understanding each other's wants and needs have taken your
relationship to a higher level. The mutual giving, loyalty, and devotion are
open and ongoing, making your relationship a serene haven in a stormy world.
One of the things many submissives come to love about SexMagick is the depth
of the gift they can offer to their master. The chivalrous submissive will
endeavor to become an extension of her dom and to submit to his will. As her
limits will allow, she will surrender her sense of self and her individuality
as a human being to serve him. As she does this, her self-esteem is not
reduced, she is not degraded or abused; instead, she is uplifted by her
voluntary submission and exploration into the depths of her soul. Her trust
in her dom is complete and knowing he is a worthy and responsible recipient
of that trust, she can and does serve him without reservation.
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ETAOIN
